Bill & Ted's Apocalyptic Adventure

A Sockpuppet Show on the Events Surrounding the Year 1000

Written by Dominic Bruzesse, Ryan Desmond, Brandon Miles






A Present Day Classroom

(Bill & Ted Get Final Assignment in Year 1000 Apocalypticism and Millennialism)

Dr. Landes: <End of lecture, blah, blah, blah.> Bill and Ted, please see me after class.

Bill: Dude, that sounds bogus.

Dr. Landes: Gentlemen, because of you poor performance in this class so far, I'm expecting the two of you to go above and beyond the minimum requirements on this final project.

Ted: What do we have to do again?

Dr. Landes: You must either support or refute the five statements I gave you which referred to the general apocalyptic nature of the year 1000AD. I wrote them down for you, but here they are again:

1. There are no theological reasons for 1000 to have eschatological significance.

2. People did not even know the date - peasants had no notion of chronological time, elites used a variety of systems and even those using AD disagreed.

3. There is almost no surviving evidence of any apocalyptic terrors from the period.

4. The little that survives is not directly related to 1000, but to dates such as 968, 1010 and 1033.

Therefore, we should not be surprised to find that 1000 was a year like any other in which the normal flow of medieval life went on uninterrupted.
 

(Landes leaves while Bill and Ted decide how to attack this project)

Bill: Dude, this sounds like a lot of work.

Ted: Where should we start? Should we go to the library?

Bill/Ted: NO.

Bill: The internet?

Bill/Ted: cool, but NO

Ted: The Smithsonian?

Bill/Ted: Too far.

Ted: I know, THE TIME MACHINE, DUDE!!

Both: EXCELLENT!!
 

(At the time machine, looking up a number in the phone book)

Bill: So how do we get a hold of the people we learned about in class. like this Adso of Montier-en-der dude?

Ted: I don't know, the phone book?

Bill: Right on, Ted. You're a lot smarter than you look.
 

(Arrival in the year 950 AD.) ----HOLD UP YEAR 950 SIGN!!

Ted: There he is!! Lets go chill with him.

Bill: Righteous dude, what are you working on?

Adso: young lads, I am writing to the West Frankish queen, Gerberga, about the time and origin of the Antichrist.

Ted: Whooooo! And I thought it was Marilyn Manson! So why do you think the Antichrist is coming?

Adso: Because Matthew 24 tells us, "For false prophets will appear and produce great signs and omens to lead astray even the elect." And in Revelation 13:13, John speaks of the second beast which performs great signs on behalf of the first beast.

Bill: So you really think he's coming in 1000 AD?

Adso: Yea, because in Rev. 20:7, Scripture says that when the thousand years are ended, Satan will be let loose and will come to deceive the nations in the four corners of the earth.

Ted: So, a thousand years from when, dude?

Adso: When else, my cute cotton friend? A thousand years from Christ's birth - which is about another 50 years from now.

Bill: Right on, dude. You have some pretty mind-blowin' stuff to say. Would you mind coming with us in our time machine to help us with our project?

Adso: Ahhh, but of course. I've never been in a time machine before.

Ted: Let's jet out of here and check out what's going on a bit closer to 1000.
 

(Travel to year 998 and talk to a peasant) ---- HOLD UP 998 SIGN!!

Ted: Dude, the scene looks pretty chill here, maybe we should ask that farmer over there if he knows what year it is..

...Dude, Farmer Dude! How's the crops treatin' ya? Man, you're probably sooooo busy you don't have any idea what the date is.

Farmer: Of course I do! My church down the street keeps one of those big Bedan Easter Tables & I know that each time I look at it, we're still livin in the year nine hundred, ninety-eight in the year of our Lord, Jesus Christ.

Bill: Dude, they really can count, I knew our teacher was wrong!!!

Ted: So, farmer dude, one more thing before you go milk your cow. What do you think about this big bash the antichrist is gonna throw in the year 1000? Is he really comin'?

Farmer: Well, I don't know. I'm just a farmer, but I tell ya what it is I seen. I seen God punish his people, the eruption of Mt. Vesuvius in 993. Sulphurous flames fell for 3 miles around and right now those who can read and write, tell me we's in a famine. Now I don't really know about that, but there ain't enough food around here to feed me or my family. Things are so bad, some folks is eatin' other folks.

Bill: Dude, lets jam before we become lunch!!!
 

(Travel to year 1010 to talk to Ademar) Hold up year 1010 sign!!

Ted: Dude, let's go see Ademar of Chabannes!!

Bill: Who?

Ted: You know, Ademar of Chabannes, the gut who interpreted all those signs in 1010 about the end times. Oh!! Here he is now dude.

Bill: How do you know?

Ted: Dude, do you see any other sock puppets around here?

Ademar: Good afternoon boys!!!

Bill: Our teacher told us you put a list together of a bunch of apocalyptic signs.

Ted: What can you tell us about these signs, Ademar?

Ademar: Well boys, this isn't a new phenomenon. In 989 Haley's comet shot through the sky and many people thought that was a sign of the coming apocalypse. In fact, I'm not sure if you met Adso of Montier-en-Der, but when he saw the comet he remembered what was written in Rev 6:13 about the stars falling from the sky. That sign was enough to sen him on a pilgrimage to Jerusalem, to wait for the end time.

But as you know, the year 1000 has come and gone without incident. However, we have reason to believe the end of the world is imminent, for just last year, Al Hakim led the Turks to destroy the Holy Sepulcher in Jerusalem, as a reaction to the increasing number of Christian pilgrims. This fulfills the prophecy made in Rev 11:12 that says, "for the temple will be given over to the nations and they will trample over the holy city for 42 months."

Bill: Ted, the Sepulcher is in Jerusalem at the site where many people think Jesus was crucified.

Ted: So, because people think He was crucified there it could have as much significance as the Jewish Temple.

Bill: So righteous dude, do you think the end is coming soon?

Ademar: Yes, 1010. But other people think that Christ will come in the year 1033.

Ted: Cool dude, who do you think we should go talk to to gain more wisdom on this cryptic subject?

Ademar: You boys should really go see Rudolphus Glaber - his knowledge of an important reactionary movement called the Peace of God would be perfect for your project.

Bill: can you take us to this wise sage, oh humble scholar?

Ademar: Yes, follow me.
 

(B, T, and Ademar arrive in 1033 to speak with Glaber) Hold up 1033 sign!!!

Ademar: Bill and Ted, Monsieur Glaber. Monsieur Glaber, Bill and Ted. I'll just wait in the time box while you guys get acquainted.

Ted: What a pleasure to meet you, most noble fact man.

Galber: I understand you are interested in learning about Pax Dei?

Bill: No, we don't care about any Pax Dei. We want to know about the Peace of God movement.

Glaber: Pax Dei is the Peace of God movement, my feeble-minded friends. You've come to the right place. Listen closely as I recount the events leading up to and inspiring the birth of the Peace of God movement.

In 987, there was a transition in power from the Carolingian Dynasty to the Capetians. As the Capetians consolidated their power, they began to oppress the Frankish peasantry. In response, the peasants developed and embraced the current apocalyptic trends. Ademar may have informed you about some of the various natural and social events which spurred these eschatological beliefs and expectations. These new trends manifested themselves through violence, assaults, and theft especially aimed at the nobles and clergy.

Ted: Whoa!! Let me sort this out Dude. The rich dudes jacked the poor dudes and the poor dudes didn't know what to do. So they embraced apocalyptic ideas and whupped up on the rich dudes?

Glaber: If my knowledge of late 20th c. slang is accurate then, yes. You are correct.

And to combat this growing wave of violence, the Church began to preach ardently against all forms of violence. While the Church also believe in many of the same millennial expectations the people did, They believe that those practicing violence would be unable to see God once the Millennial Kingdom arrived.

Bill: Dude, what's the Millennial Kingdom?

Glaber: Well Bill, the Millennial Kingdom refers to the 1000 year reign of Christ mentioned in Rev 20:4-6. The Church turned this millennial prediction back at the rebellious people in order to illicit good action for fear of not being a part of Christ's reign. The councils that met to discuss this phenomenon and how to handle it were called the Peace of God, and they thrived intermittenely from about 975 to 1040.

Ted: Whoa dude, so the Peace of God movement proves that there is evidence of apocalyptic and eschatological worries about years like 1000, 1010, and 1033.

Bill: Wow Ted, I think your right. Thanks Glaber dude!!!

Glaber: My pleasure dudes. But like you just mentioned some people believe that this year 1033 is the millennium of the Lord's Passion, which may also bring about a period of eschatological frenzy.

Ted: That's great Glaber my man, but Bill and I have got to get back so that we can give our presentation to Dr. Landes. With your help and the help of other stellar medieval dudes like Adso, Ademar, and farmer dude our project will rock Dr. Landes' world!!!!
 

(Bill and Ted go to Present day) Hold up Present Day sign!!

Ted: So, in conclusion Dr. Landes we believe that: #1) All dudes and dudettes knew what date it was especially around the year 1000.

Bill: #2) There are theological reasons found in literal interpretations of scripture for the year 1000 to have apocalyptic significance, such as Rev 20:1-7; Rev 13:13; Rev 11:12; Rev 6:13: Daniel 12:1; and Matthew 24:24.

Ted: #3) There is surviving evidence of apocalyptic terrors from the period in the writings of dudes like Adso of Montier-en-der, Ademar of Chabannes, Rudolphus Glaber and the Peace of God movement.

Bill: #4) Although most of the evidence is directly related to years like 1010 and 1033, the whole period from 950 to 1040 was filled with apocalyptic and millennial expectations.

Ted: #5) And finally, the year 1000 was not like many years we know, but it had many similarities to this millennial period.

B & T: Thank you very much!!

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